Thank you for calling CPASiteSolutions, this is Kyle how may I help you? That's what I would say if they gave me a real phone. I'm not allowed to talk to people or leave the back room.
Much like Jesus, I was once a carpenter.
People often wonder, who is this Kyle Buser (byoo-zer) everyone is raving about? You might ask, “Kyle, who wonders that, and how come I haven’t heard anyone raving about you?” To which I reply, shut up and stop interrupting me. [Queue awesome 80's montage music.] I have lived many lives on Earth, among them I have been a student, a teacher, a dare devil, a bartender, a stunt single, a carpenter, a self employed pyrotechnician and once a panda named Zing Zing. After all these lives, my current and most awesome form is that of a system administrator at your favorite CPA Website Solutions firm.
I was born in Vermont some 25 years ago, in all likely hood a direct descendant of Dionysus. It is from this bloodline which my jovial nature and love for festivities and good company come from. I grew up an inquisitive and enigmatic creature with a fleeting awareness of some clandestine secret bubbling just beneath the surface of perception or perhaps reality itself, I suppose which one is a matter of semantics.
Custom Built PC. 3.0 ghz quad core. 8 gb ram. 2 bells. 3 whistles. With a computer this suave, I don't need game, it gets all the ladies for me.
As you might have noticed, I enjoy semi-coherent digressions of thought, as well as nonsensical non-sequiturs. I sometimes neglect to censor inner monologue before externalizing it vocally. At times this creates wonderfully awkward moments of silence in social situations. I feel like a lot of people take themselves way too seriously, I suppose the aforementioned purposeful lack of self censorship is my way of needling people to try and loosen them up. If you can’t laugh at yourself, or life in general, you’re doing it wrong.
My dad built a 10' x 10' dock and attached an electric trolling motor to it. It can comfortably fit 6 people as we cruise around Lake Beebe.
Growing up with two older brothers and a younger sister, we developed an interesting dynamic. My family has taught me many things, among them the important life lessons of: How to take a beating. How to take a beating while tied up. How to take a beating while blind folded and handcuffed. How to climb out of a large dirt hole while taking a beating. How to get out of a lasso while being dragged across the lawn while taking a beating. How to cry yourself to sleep silently so as to avoid taking a beating. The uselessness of running from an inevitable beating. How to shield yourself from flying projectiles like paint balls using common house hold items. And how to crochet.
One of many beatings I've had to endure. That's me on the bottom.
While the beatings were plentiful and excessive, they served to teach me invaluable life lessons. There is no escaping life’s beatdowns. Everyone will take one from time to time. The only thing that matters is how big of a beating can you take without skipping a beat. All that matters is that you stand up immediately after the worst beating, pound your chest in defiance and shout, IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!
Testing out an HK assault rifle, standard issue for LA S.W.A.T. I challenged my sister to a duel but she only had a pistol and said it wouldn't be fair. What a sissy.
Favorite Books: Tao Te Ching, The Art of Happiness, The God’s of Eden, 1984, Blink, The Alphabet of Manliness, Flow – The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Live From Death Row, The Historian, Just Another Spiritual Book, The Vampire Chronicles, A People’s History of the United States, Think and Grow Rich, We’re All Doing Time, Nobody Poops But You
Favorite People: Lao Tzu, Siddhārtha Gautama / Shakyamuni, William Cooper, Tupac Shakur, Howard Zinn, Bill Hicks, Nikola Tesla,
Favorite Movies: The Matrix Trilogy, Fight Club, The Brave Little Toaster, Superbad, Anchorman
Favorite Quotes:
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson
